The holidays shouldn't be taken too seriously, so to add some satire to your celebration, the Denver theater company Stories on Stage recorded two classic Christmas parodies for CPR. 

Actress Erin Rollman, a founding member of The Buntport Theater Company, performs “The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas" by an author who remains anonymous. The text of that story is below. And Anthony Powell, artistic director of Stories on Stage, performs James Thurber's 1927 classic, “A Visit from Saint Nicholas -- in the Manner of Ernest Hemingway.”

The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Anonymous

December 25th

My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present!
Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving,
Emily.
 
December 26th
 
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
Emily.
 
December 27th
 
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank you so much; they are lovely.
Your devoted,
Emily.
 
December 28th
 
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly, they make telephoning almost
impossible -- but I expect they'll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am.
Love from,
Emily.
 
December 29th
 
Dearest Edward,
The postman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a sense of humour. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know what she means.
Still, I love the rings.
Bless you,
Emily.
 
December 30th
 
Dear Edward,
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch.
Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they've already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let's call a halt, shall we?
Love,
Emily.
 
December 31st
 
Edward,
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no less than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Your Emily.
 
January 1st
 
Edward,
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And  their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't find it very
amusing.
Emily.
 
January 2nd
 
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're certainly not
ladies. The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behaviour at once!
Emily.
 
January 3rd
 
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and
the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbours are
trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily.
 
January 4th
 
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man
from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance to a home for the bewildered. I hope you're satisfied.
 
January 5th
 
Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion
section of the London Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock and etc.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Worthington,
Solicitor