A fast-food secret menu is like Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start for eating: You know it exists; it changes your life for the better, forever. We’ve explored such menus before, and today we try something from the secret menu at Potbelly Sandwich Shop: the Wrecking Ball. Ham, turkey, roast beef and salami, with meatballs, cheese and mayonnaise.
Miles: This is perfect for the person with a lot of derelict buildings inside their stomach and no way to remove them.
Robert: Mmmmm, this hamurkeefalamiball is much more impressive than a turducken.
Ian: Usually with a meatball sub, the bread gets all soggy. But this is brilliant —the cold cuts act as a little Meat Raincoat!
Ian: Weird how it’s topped with mayo and a wriggling Miley Cyrus.
Mike: It’s delicious, but now I have a cold sore.
Eva: This sandwich comes with chips and a side of molly.
Miles: Employees have their own secret menu for people who order off the secret menu. It includes things like “Spit Sandwich” and “The No. 2 with Chips.”
Ian: Ugh, the secret menu was one thing, but I just accidentally got a look at Potbelly’s Victoria’s Secret Menu.
Robert: Whatever you say about Potbelly’s, I like a restaurant that’s honest about what it does to my body. I also like to eat at “Cankles” and “Muffintops.”
Ian: I love a secret menu. I can’t decide between “sometimes I fantasize about killing my boss” and “I have another secret family in the suburbs.”
Robert: The Wrecking Ball is great, but I think I might have been better off with the Controlled Implosion.
Miles: It takes twice as long to order anything off the secret menu, because you have to do it in a strained whisper.
Ian: But really, this is delicious. There’s no reason to keep it on the secret menu. The McCannibal on the other hand, yeah, they should keep quiet about that.
[The verdict: a delicious sandwich, and the thrill of ordering off the secret menu is like another dollop of sauce.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me!
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