The Cronut croissant-doughnut hybrid was the food phenomenon of 2013. There were long lines at the bakery where Cronuts were invented, and they were going for hundreds of dollars on the black market. They even inspired spinoffs like the doughscuit — a doughnut-biscuit hybrid — and the bronut, which was just a doughnut wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt.
Now Dunkin’ Donuts has made a croissant doughnut for the rest of us. It’s called the “Croissant Doughnut,” but it sounds just like “Cronut” when you have your mouth full of Cronut.
Miles: There are lines around the block to get Cronuts in New York; at Dunkin’ Donuts, the only line is for noncustomers trying to use the bathroom.
Robert: My wife’s been wanting to visit Paris for years. I don’t understand why she didn’t thank me when I brought home a box of these instead.
Ian: The real failure here is that Dunkin’ Donuts didn’t call it a Crunkin’ Cronut.
Miles: This is almost there, but not quite, like when McDonald’s introduced its Faux Gras.
Robert: Or when Wendy’s sold me an uncooked burger and told me it was steak tartare.
Ian: These are really flaky. Not in the croissant way — they just said they were coming to my Halloween party and then they didn’t.
Miles: Dunkin’ Donuts discovering cronuts is like your grandma finally joining Facebook.
Miles: America runs on Dunkin’. France runs on disgust over what America runs on.
Peter: I’m really not looking forward to Dunkin’s take on escargot.
Ian: Mmmm, escargonuts.
[The verdict: delicious, but the difference between this and a regular old Dunkin’ Donuts doughnut is pretty slim. If you eat too quickly — and we always eat too quickly — you could miss the fact there’s anything different about this.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait … Don’t Tell Me!