Auntie Anne’s logo is a pretzel wearing a halo. This is probably supposed to connote a pretzel that’s good for you. Or heavenly, maybe? But when you look at it long enough, it makes you think: Pretzels can die. And there’s an afterlife for them.
Is pretzel heaven the same as people heaven? Where do bad pretzels go? These are the things that go through your head when you’re waiting for your Pretzel Dog — a hot dog wrapped in soft pretzel.
Ian: This is indistinguishable from a Nerf Blowgun.
Eva: I think this is just what a hot dog looks like after the holidays.
Robert: You know, if you put two of these together, it steps down the voltage to 120!
Ian: It looks like a pretzel boa constrictor is trying to kill a hot dog.
Eva: Isn’t the idea that a pretzel is bread in a knot? This is a pretzel that can’t touch its toes.
Miles: You know, people are taking workplace safety too seriously when they start foam-padding the hot dogs.
Robert: See, a transformer works by placing two electrical coils with different windings side by side, allowing different input and output voltages. This pretzel looks like an electrical coil.
Miles: This is just a hot dog with a bun that’s a little too clingy.
Lorna: If you’re in a rush, attach it to a drill for faster consumption.
Robert: These coils are inside every computer and phone charger you own. Trust me, this is killing it with the electricians. Killing it.
[The verdict: It combines two things that are good and creates one thing that is good.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait … Don’t Tell Me!