Sandwich Monday: Pizza-Flavored Salad Dressing

March 9, 2015

After years of doing Sandwich Monday, we’ve decided to try a salad. In order to make the transition easier for everyone, we’re eating it with “Cheesy Pizza” Flavored Salad Dressing from Chef Kidd’s “Funagrette.”

That last paragraph is a lie. We’re eating this because they sent us a box of it and we’ll eat anything you send us. Speaking of which: Office Depot, there was an incident. We need more toner.

Ian: “Funagrette” is also a good name for a product that gets kids to try cigarettes.

Jeanette: I never thought a salad could make me feel so bad about my eating habits.

Miles: This product is under the false impression that what kids hate most about salad is the dressing, when in fact what kids hate most about salad is salad.

Eva: I like to fold my salad in half and eat it with my hands.

Peter: A better way to get pizza-flavored salad is to just eat a pizza and then burp on a head of lettuce.

Miles: No. The only way to make a decent pizza-flavored salad is to replace all of the lettuce with slices of pizza.

Ian: As a salad dressing, it’s gross. As a proof of concept for intravenous pizza, it’s promising.

Robert: This isn’t nearly as authentic as that brick-oven salad bar I found in Rome.

Eva: This is what pizza looks like on the sidewalk at 3 a.m.

Peter: This isn’t a way to get kids to like salad. It’s a way to get them to hate pizza.

[The verdict: In theory, yes! In practice, no.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait … Don’t Tell Me!

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