"Kitchen remodelers are counter productive."
"The last thing I need is a burial plot."
"Optometrists live longer because they dilate."
Do these puns leave you chuckling? Then you may have a vacation to plan and a kindred spirit to meet in Indian Hills.
The tiny west JeffCo town made a name for itself with the help of Indian Hills Community Center volunteer Vince Rozmiarek and a teal green sign off Highway 285. Every few days, Rozmiarek redecorates the sign with a new pun, often found online or in joke books.
His career as town punmaster began April Fool's Day five years ago. For his inaugural message Rozmiarek wrote, "Indian Hills annexed by Morrison. Slow down," referencing the Morrison Police Department's reputation for running speed traps along the road. His phone started ringing, including a call from the Morrison Police.
"Because of the attention that got, I decided just to start from throwing puns and phrases, anything funny that would catch your eye, I started throwing it on the board," Rozmiarek said. "I really have a lot of fun with it."
Rozmiarek's love of puns was born while waiting for a plane at the Omaha airport. He found a book of puns, and ended up laughing "for three hours straight."
Just like a haiku poet has a form to follow, so does Rozmiarek. His craft is limited to five lines, with 14 or 15 characters per row.
Not everyone is a fan of the sign's occasional potty humor, or when Rozmiarek gets, what he calls, "a little edgy."
"For the most part I wanted to make sure I was putting up fresh things that people hadn't seen before, and something they’ll remember," Rozmiarek said with a laugh. "Whether good or bad, or a groan."