One day after a shooting at Evergreen High School that left three injured and a shooter dead, parents across the Metro region are grappling with a collective trauma over school shootings, leaving them to confront their darkest fears about the safety of their own children.
In interviews and exchanges with dozens of parents of school children, there is a pervasive sense of fear, grief and anger. Parents describe a constant, low-level anxiety that permeates their lives every day and they describe how an ordinary task like sending their child to school feels like a significant risk as they worry it may be the last time they see their child.
Many describe feeling numb — partly because they feel powerless to change a society rife with gun violence — but also as a survival mechanism to get through the day. Many are saddened that their children cannot live a normal childhood like they did, while others experienced gun violence at school as teachers or even as a student during the Columbine shooting.
Some parents say they are continuing to live as normally as possible so fear doesn’t win, while others say they are seriously considering homeschooling or moving overseas because of the country’s endemic violence. They wrestle with feeling like they should be able to control the environment of their children to keep them safe. All parents are frustrated with the lack of progress in gun violence and wonder why lawmakers aren’t taking action.
Here are some of their thoughts:
"I tell my children they are safe. And I feel like a liar."
- Beth Lacey Dowd, Aurora Public Schools
"My son asked me last night about what happens if it happens to him. I said it won’t. He told me I don’t know that. It broke me. My husband dragged victims out of Aurora Century 16, and we cannot protect our son from this epidemic. I’ve debated putting an old Kevlar vest in his backpack but then I realize that’s insane and letting the fear win, so we send him to school and trust in the school teachers and hope to God we see him at the end of the day."
-Jessica Lea, Littleton Public Schools
“At this point, I am numb. I don’t even know how to feel. What goes through my mind? Our school is next. Of course, we have talked about it his entire life. And all I can do is pray it doesn’t happen to us next. That’s all we can do.”
-Katelyn Kendrick, Denver Public Schools
"When will we stop exchanging children's education for executions? I am living in Mexico City for about a year. I'm still a resident of Denver. Sending our kids to a school (in Mexico) without the threat of shootings is nothing short of magical. At a time when Mexicans are constantly being touted as criminals and dangerous, we've found a safety here for our kids that we could never find in Denver — in public or private schools. When there's a threat of a shooting, every parent knows that part of them thinks some of our darkest thoughts: "I hope it's not her school. I hope it's not her classroom. I hope it's not … her."
- Rosemari Ochoa, Denver Public Schools
“We are home and question if we will return. I’m not willing to put my kid’s life on the line anymore. I’m sick of seeing my child scared to go to school. My son’s bully has been giving him death threats for a year now and nothing happens. So now he’s missing out on school. Because I don’t trust that they will keep him safe. Some days he skips. But he also is fighting for what is right. And standing up against this other student.”
-P. Stone, Arvada
“I'm not someone who can numb myself to things; unfortunately, I think about it (school safety) all the time. It almost feels like something that's on my ‘to-do’ list — just to figure out how to deal with this and figure out how to keep my kids safe. My husband is Canadian. He would really like us to move back to Canada because he thinks it would be safer. I think about that as sort of like, what is my obligation to my kids? That it's something that I have to deal with sooner or later, and the longer I wait to figure out how to deal with it, how to keep them safe, the more of a chance there is that something could happen. I just keep thinking about it and deferring the question because I don't have an answer.”
-Zoe Tobier, Jefferson County
“I pulled mine from public school last week. This world is nuts.”
– Anonymous Facebook comment
“I’m scared and hopeless.”
-Rachel Fishler Hulbert, Douglas County
“The truth is, you just can’t think about it too much. If I stop and really let myself go there, it feels like the whole world is crashing down. When the Virginia Tech shooting happened, my family was in Europe. We were at the Princess Diana Memorial playground, and another mom heard my accent. She asked if we were from the States and then asked me how I could possibly send my kids to school every day knowing there was a chance I might never see them again. It felt like being punched in the gut. The hard part is — she’s not wrong. But if I let myself live in that fear, then the fear wins. And if the fear wins, my kids don’t get to have a childhood.”
- Katie McDonald, Douglas County
“Every day, my children walk out the door. I think that this could be the last time I see them. And I tell my children the same thing every day. I say to them, ‘I love you, do your best, be careful.’ And when I'm telling them to be careful, the thought in my brain and in my heart is that there could be a shooting today and this could be the last time I see them. I truly think about it every single day, every time I see them when they leave and they come home, I think about it.”
-Christina Romero, Jefferson County
“I’m heartbroken over this. As a survivor of Columbine, with a 4-year-old of my own, I can not fathom sending him to school. It is so terrifying. Now, I don’t believe in letting fear run our lives, but the epidemic keeps getting worse and our society has done nothing to accept responsibility and make meaningful changes. We just keep blaming parents and very troubled children.”
-Justina Thorsen, Douglas County
"The only way we are going to really, actually make a big impact on all gun violence in our country is through mental health. I have said we have to friend the bully, not shun the bully. A lot of times, the kids that are bullies are being bullied or are victims themselves, and if we can get them into a place where they feel psychological safety, then we can actually make sure others feel psychologically safe. We are not only very open with our messaging (with her children about the systemic and social issues causing gun violence), but we are very intentional about making sure we center our messaging around every person's humanity."
-Erin Harris, a former teacher at a Denver school when there was a gang shooting outside
"Every day I drop my children off at school, no matter how the morning's gone, the last thing out of my mouth is, I love you and I hope you have a wonderful day. So I'm not communicating to them in any way, a sense of fear …
We have a problem in Colorado with the budget deficit that has greatly impacted Jefferson County's investment in social-emotional support. Our special educators and our social workers are covering local or multiple sites, not making it available for children in these moments.
We also need to just talk about why we're reactive and not proactive when looking at financial investments … instead of just adding more things that trigger you as you walk into the school of ‘I'm not safe, like a metal detector, or more weapons or things like that, recognizing that that triggers fear, whereas a human to support them is so important because my children are lucky that they have a parent that is there, but not all parents are able to be available for their children."
-Rebecca Armentrout, Jefferson County. Now a parent, she was in 8th grade during the Columbine school shooting
"I honestly balance myself by trusting in God. I do my best to guide my son the best I can. I try not to worry about what I can't control and put my trust in God that my child will be okay, regardless of what my version of "OK" looks like. I pray rather than worry … Focus on the now. Express as much love as I can now."
-Jenn Lockhart Grant, Firestone
"I cried all the way to work yesterday listening to the breaking news about Evergreen High School. Any legislator who says we can’t do anything about this and that we should just accept it is lying. Parents worry every single day when we drop our children off at school that it might be the last time we ever see them. It’s Russian roulette. When will it be our kids’ school or our kids? Our society is trying to normalize this. This is not normal. We are being told that we have to pay the ultimate price for politicians to line their pockets with more money from the gun lobby. That’s not a price I’m willing to pay. We need gun reform now."
-Casie L. Russ, Douglas County
