There are some things you can absolutely count on over the Thanksgiving holiday.
Schlepping. Turkey. A delicious or perhaps mediocre side of cranberry. A post-meal nap.
Small talk about politics.
Big talk about politics.
Arguments about politics.
Nobody wants that last one. (Or maybe even others in that list, we won't judge.)
So, while we can't promise that this guide will help you steer clear of conversations about whether or not you're getting married soon, it should help you dodge the politics part.
Looking for something you can all agree on? How about Denver traffic.
Does anyone actually like sitting in traffic? Does anyone actually think, "Denver's traffic is not that bad"? This might be the golden goose of Thanksgiving harmony you've been looking for.
Please note that comparing Denver's traffic to other cities is always an option you have as well.
In the mood to argue? Geese. You can argue about geese.
Speaking of golden geese — or in this case, black, white, brown and black Canadian geese — you could have an incredibly impassioned argument about whether or not it's a good idea for Denver to be killing them and sending the meat to hungry families.
Supporters say it's a win-win. They're just trying to trim the population. Fewer geese means less poop to accidentally step on. And since the meat feeds the needy, the deaths aren't in vain.
Protesters say please don't. Shortly after it was reported that Denver Parks and Wildlife was culling and cooking, activists circulated a petition that advocated for goose remediation.
Impeachment? A Philadelphia sports radio host is practically trying to impeach Denver's sports stadiums.
A Philadelphia radio personality named Spike believes that Denver's home-field advantage should in fact be classified as an unfair advantage because of the altitude. Spike has since started a petition to move sports teams out of Denver. 309 people have signed it.
"Athletes who travel to Denver who do not have the proper amount of time for their bodies to adjust, have trouble breathing when performing," Spike declares. "A person from a cold weather climate participating in hot weather, that's tough. A person from sea level competing in Denver, that's cheating."
Denverite, in response, started a petition to raise Denver stadiums an additional 1,000 feet.
(A lot more people have signed that one.)
Two bottles of wine in and desperate to confidently lead a deep conversation? Pivot to Monet.
But so what? Are they even good? Is that the kind of art we really need to be looking at right now? Or is the exhibit just for those who "dwell in the world of rich people"?
If you're looking for the opportunity for a take that's both hot and sophisticated, this is your chance.
If none of this works, just default to talking about travel. Things like whether or not you ate at the airport, whether the flight was full or if you got an aisle seat usually work.