A driver rammed into David Mellor when he was 18. It ended his hopes of pitching in the major leagues. It also led to years of sleepless nights cold sweats, and eventually a diagnosis of PTSD. David talks about how that diagnosis changed him, and how he did finally make it to Major League Baseball.
Transcript
Vic Vela:
In three, two, one.
David Mellor:
We pulled in the parking lot and parked on the right side across from the entrance at McDonald's, and we got out of the car and started walking across the parking lot.
Vic Vela:
David Miller grew up in Ohio. This run to McDonald's was in high school when he was 18. The most notable thing about him around this time was that David was a really good baseball player. But on this evening he was out to see a movie with a friend when they stopped to get a bite to eat.
David Mellor:
And so I mentioned to my buddy, "Hey, I forgot my wallet." And he said, "Well, I'm going to go ahead and go in and get food." And I went back to the car, picked up my wallet, shut the door, and took a few steps to head back toward the restaurant, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a car come off the street and they stopped, and then they motioned for me to go ahead and walk. So I started walking, and I heard them rev their engine and squeal their tires, and I saw the car speeding toward me, so I raised both my hands and my left leg and the car hit me-
Vic Vela:
Wow.
David Mellor:
… and threw me 20 feet in the air. And luckily I slammed right into the corner of the brick wall in that door, because as soon as I looked up, the car was coming at a higher rate of speed, and the car metal bumper hit the metal handrail and sparks flew, and the car's engine was revving, and the car was pinning the bumper against my knee, and I was screaming at the lady to stop, stop.
Vic Vela:
Oh my gosh.
David Mellor:
Trying to push the car off of me. And I can see the lady just staring at me in a panic, and people are at the windows, my heart's in my throat, and everything's just in slow motion. Chills are running through me. The pain is intense, but I just can't get the car to stop. It's just revving right into my knee, and I look to my left and I can see my buddy through the window, but I can't hear him. I'm just kind of choking on the exhaust.
Vic Vela:
What was going on through your head at this time? It all happened very fast, I'm sure.
David Mellor:
You know, it hurt the first time when the car hit me. The second time it hit me was was even more intense, and I thought, "What am I going to do?" I was worried if my leg was crushed, what was I going to do with my life if I couldn't play baseball? Now I just had no idea what the next steps in my life were going to be, figuratively and literally.
Vic Vela:
This story is about how life throws you curve balls and how the way you react to those cruel turns makes all the difference. I'm Vic Vela. I'm a journalist, a storyteller, and a recovering drug addict, and this is Back From Broken, stories about the highest highs, the darkest moments, and what it takes to make a comeback.
Vic Vela:
A lot of our stories on this podcast are about recovery from addiction. This one isn't about drugs or alcohol, but it's definitely a story of recovery, both mentally and physically. David's obsession with baseball started when he was really young. He could see his destiny mapped out in front of him. He was a gifted athlete with a powerful arm, and he loved baseball. In fact, professional baseball was in his blood. His grandfather played in the majors in 1902, and even though he grew up in Ohio, David Miller was a die hard Boston Red Sox fan. He even nicknamed his backyard fence The Green Monster after the Red Sox's famous outfield wall at Fenway Park.
David Mellor:
I just lived and breathed baseball constantly. I would call into our local small radio station at night to get a Red Sox score before I went to sleep and played wiffle ball, imitating all the Red Sox players in my backyard, and imitating the different stance, and Luis Tiant's pitching, and then played baseball throughout high school, and had opportunities to play baseball in college with some scholarship opportunities, and that was my goal.
Vic Vela:
David's modest, so he'll tell you he just happened to be on some really good teams, but scouts definitely took an interest in him. He was on his way to following his grandpa's footsteps until that summer evening at McDonald's when everything changed.
Vic Vela:
That crash turned out to be a freak accident. The woman driving the car, mistook the gas pedal for the brake, but that didn't make the pain any less intense. David remembers the ride to the hospital, and in the hours afterward, he faced more than just physical pain.
David Mellor:
I remember waking up screaming from the first nightmare that first night.
Vic Vela:
What was your nightmare about?
David Mellor:
About being hit by the car.
Vic Vela:
So you dreamt about what just happened?
David Mellor:
I did, and I remember my mom being beside me, trying to reassure me that everything was okay, and it was just the nightmare was just so vivid and lifelike, like I had just relived the whole accident again.
Vic Vela:
Did you have one the next night?
David Mellor:
I did. In fact, I had one to five vivid, lifelike nightmares every night for 29 years.
Vic Vela:
David, 29 years.
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. The nightmares were so intense that I was scared to go to sleep,
Vic Vela:
But David hadn't given up on his dream of playing baseball. He underwent physical therapy and had three different surgeries, and he was trying to figure out what kind of future was ahead of him. So David, what did your doctor tell you after that third surgery about pitching?
David Mellor:
When I came out of the surgery, I said, "Doc, what did you have to do? How soon can I play ball?" And he said, "You won't play baseball again." He says, "You'll be lucky to walk normal again." And he put quotation fingers, "normal."
Vic Vela:
Wow.
David Mellor:
And tears just started pouring down my face, and I was bound and determined to prove him wrong. Maybe I wouldn't be able to pitch again, but I was going to walk normal. And my family encouraged me to look at each challenge as a detour and not as a roadblock, and focus on what you can do instead of what you can't do. And I was an 18 year old kid, kind of mad at the world, and there were a lot of tough days,
Vic Vela:
But there were also some bright spots. David was in physical rehab when he met someone who changed his life. It started when his buddy took him out on a blind date with a woman named Denise.
David Mellor:
I fell in love with the niece that night. I was walking with a cane, and she liked me for who I was. She didn't judge me for my limp. She didn't judge me for how I got around. In fact, she got me out to dance at a place we went after dinner, and she just accepted me for who I was.
Vic Vela:
Would you have met her, had you not been involved in the accident?
David Mellor:
No, sir. I would have been away at college, playing baseball. I literally fell in love with her that night.
Vic Vela:
So it was around this time David thought hard about what he'd do for a career now that baseball wasn't an option anymore, and he got the idea to be a groundskeeper for Major League Baseball. He liked mowing lawns in the neighborhood growing up, and this would still let him be around the baseball field. So he took some college courses in how to care for turf grass.
David Mellor:
And my brother lived in Milwaukee at the time. He told me if I could get a job with the Brewers to work on their ground crew, I could live with him to save money. And so I reached out to the Brewers and sent them many, many, many letters and many, many phone calls, and kind of became that squeaky wheel. And the Brewers finally said, "We'll give you an opportunity to work for the games only." And I was so excited.
Vic Vela:
You had your foot in the door. Yeah.
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. 35 years ago they gave me an opportunity and I was so excited.
Vic Vela:
David had finally made it to the major leagues. He still remembers his first day as a groundskeeper for the Brewers. He helped to set up batting practice. He watered the field before the game, and he even cleaned up after an elephant that was led around the ballpark during a special event that night.
David Mellor:
So I ran out with my wheelbarrow and shovel and followed this elephant around and literally filled up a wheelbarrow full of elephant dung, and even got a standing ovation from four silly fans clapping for me, and got back to the back and caught so much crap from the crew.
Vic Vela:
Pardon the pun.
David Mellor:
Pun intended. It was a great initiation, but you know, I was in the majors and I was so excited to be there. It was just wonderful.
Vic Vela:
Who doesn't have that first day at work experience with an elephant, right?
David Mellor:
Yes.
Vic Vela:
After the break, David reaches beyond his wildest dreams in Major League Baseball, but then something happens that makes the nightmares of his accident even worse than before. Back in a minute.
Vic Vela:
David became a major league groundskeeper in October, 1984, and his personal life was fantastic. He married Denise and they eventually had two daughters, but David was haunted by getting hit by that car in the McDonald's parking lot. He had quietly suffered through those intense nightmares since that first car accident, so he tried to cope by working all the time.
David Mellor:
You know, I found that the busier I kept myself, my symptoms weren't as intense, but that was at the sacrifice of not being with my family, and it put the burden on my wife to take care of my girls, our girls. And I remember how much it hurt when the girls were probably five and three, when my wife was driving by the park, and she overheard our oldest daughter tell our youngest daughter, "Hey, look, that's where Dad lives." And she pointed at the park. My schedule within baseball season demands a lot of hours. Some of them I have to do with weather and the demands of the job, but back then some of them were hours that I was doing to myself.
Vic Vela:
Just to avoid dealing with the reality.
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. And I thought that was the lesser of the two evils. I thought that was better on my family than me going home and having mood swings. When I had quiet time, I didn't want to go to sleep. It was just a matter of how soon the nightmares would start.
Vic Vela:
Wow, David. Did you dread going to bed at night?
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. I was scared to go to sleep. I would do everything I could to watch TV, to not fall asleep. I mean, I was scared. I was embarrassed. I'd sweat so much my sheets would be soaked. I was scared. I'd scream and wake up my wife, and then when our daughters were born, I was scared I'd wake them up, and I didn't think there was anybody that could relate to what I was going through.
Vic Vela:
And he didn't want to burden his family. He didn't want to look weak, but David genuinely loved his job.
Vic Vela:
David, what's the best moment of the day when you work as a groundskeeper?
David Mellor:
Anytime I walk out on the field, I get goosebumps. Seeing the joy of the fans when they first walk out and see the field. The crack of the bat is always exciting. So many different instances throughout the day are special. My job's the next best thing to playing,
Vic Vela:
But one day at work, something happened to David that if I didn't know it was true, I would have said, "No way. That's not possible." David was raking in the outfield on the warning track at the Brewers' Stadium. The team had just wrapped up its season. This was 1995, about 14 years after that accident in the McDonald's parking lot.
David Mellor:
I was raking out in left field near an irrigation head and I heard a car, and I thought, "That's odd that there would be a car noise inside the park." I turned and there was a car coming from behind the bleachers toward the open field gate.
Vic Vela:
Oh my gosh.
David Mellor:
And so I ran toward the field gate and I put both my arms up and yelled to the car to stop, and the lady smiled as big as she could and stepped on the gas and came right at me, and I didn't have time to get out of the way. She hit me. I hit the windshield, and landed in a pile at the base of the outfield wall pads.
Vic Vela:
Oh my gosh.
David Mellor:
And she veered to the right, started speeding down the warning track behind home plate, and then she kind of turned behind home plate and kind of looked like a rooster tail from a jet ski. She threw track material probably 10 rows into the stands.
Vic Vela:
The woman in the car kept going, driving along the warning track at the edge of the ball field, but then-
David Mellor:
She veered the car and turned aiming right at me, and I thought, "Oh my gosh, this is it. She's literally going to just run me right over." And at the last moment she veered to the left to miss me and slammed on the brakes, and stopped right beside me. She sat up in the car and waved excessively at me. I mean, just waved and waved and waved, and then sat down in the car and stepped on the gas and peeled out and went through the open gate, and covered me with track material. And my heart's in my throat. My adrenaline's going. I'm covered in sweat, and I try to gather my composure the best I can, and I can hear her screaming cuss words.
Vic Vela:
David, I have so many questions. This is incredible. First of all, you must have been thinking, "Why me?" Right? You're just doing your job on a baseball field, where the last thing you're supposed to see is a car coming at you.
David Mellor:
Yeah. It just kind of happened so fast. It was a lot to process. Yes, sir.
Vic Vela:
Did you think you were going to die?
David Mellor:
When she made that full lap on the track, when I was laying there on the ground and she was aiming right at me again, I did. I thought I was going to die.
Vic Vela:
Other employees at the ballpark and eventually the police caught the woman and took her away. The woman was mentally ill, and it turned out she'd previously threatened the Queen of England and tried to assault Oprah Winfrey. David went to court during her trial and he said court was also a traumatic experience.
David Mellor:
She had screamed at the judge, and earlier she had lunged at me shaking her fingers, wanting to know if she had come within one foot, two foot, or three foot of hitting me, because she always missed it one foot.
Vic Vela:
That near death experience would be traumatic for anyone, but for David it was the second time someone came at him in a car totally out of control, and it just compounded all the problems he was having.
David Mellor:
That all intensified my nightmares and triggered my flashbacks, so much that I would see her in my nightmares, staring at me, and see her shaking her hands, and it just really intensified my nightmares and it made me look over my shoulder, and feared for my family.
Vic Vela:
Even after that, you were still doing a good job as a groundskeeper, so much so that that other clubs, Major League Baseball clubs were interested in your services, including the team you grew up rooting for, the Boston Red Sox. Tell me about the call when they offered you the job.
David Mellor:
Mr. Joe Mooney, who was the groundskeeper for the Red Sox for 30 years, called out of the blue. He called and said, "David, I'm thinking about retiring, but I'll only retire if you replace me."
Vic Vela:
Oh, wow.
David Mellor:
And I was just incredibly humbled to have the opportunity to follow in his footsteps. And the Red Sox said, "The job is yours if you want."
Vic Vela:
So David became the head groundskeeper of Fenway Park, home of his favorite team, the Boston Red Sox, and the real Green Monster. So you started your job the next year, which was 2001, and any baseball fan knows that that was just before the Red Sox started shaking off that curse and finally won a World Series a couple of years later. David, I can't imagine the thrill of that, being a lifelong Sox fan and then being part of the first World Series victory in almost a century. Can you help me understand what that was like?
David Mellor:
Oh, it was incredibly, incredibly special, and my girls were old enough to enjoy that too with us, like many generations of Red Sox fans. That meant the world to so many of us.
Vic Vela:
Yeah, because this isn't just any run of the mill ballpark. This is Fenway Park, and you're getting it ready for a World Series. You, after so many groundskeepers before you never had that chance.
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. It's very, very humbling. My dream was always to stand on Fenway Park's mound as a pitcher, now I get to do that basically every day, and to have that opportunity to be there, getting ready for a World Series game is magical.
Vic Vela:
And yet you were dealing with decades of PTSD. When did you finally decide to get some help?
David Mellor:
I think there's a lot of different aha moments in our lives. I get acupuncture for pain management, and before treatment there was a large table there with probably 50 magazines on it, and I just happened to pick up a Smithsonian magazine, and laid on the table, and they started the treatment with the needles, and the first page I opened was an article about a new treatment facility for veterans dealing with post-traumatic stress.
Vic Vela:
You're kidding. And everything just clicked in that moment. The symptoms that plagued the veterans in that article had also been following David around for almost three decades.
David Mellor:
Involuntary trembling.
Vic Vela:
Irritability.
David Mellor:
Restlessness.
Vic Vela:
Depression.
David Mellor:
Nightmares.
Vic Vela:
Flashbacks.
David Mellor:
Insomnia.
Vic Vela:
Emotional numbness.
David Mellor:
Sensitivity to noise.
Vic Vela:
And tendency to seek solace in alcohol.
David Mellor:
And as I read that, chills just ran through me, and tears started pouring down my face-
Vic Vela:
Wow.
David Mellor:
… as I realized I either actively had or had dealt with 10 of those 12 symptoms. The only ones I did not have or had dealt with were drugs and suicide. And while it scared the heck out of me, it gave me hope. I thought you had to be in the military to get PTSD. I had no idea you could get it any other way. It was an aha moment and it gave me courage, and I couldn't wait. I almost pulled those needles out from treatment myself, and I couldn't wait for the doctor to come back in, and I went home right away and I said, "Honey, we've got to talk." And I opened up my soul, and I was so scared of what she might say, not only for 29 years, but then, and all those things I had feared she might say, she didn't say. I mean, I should have given her credit all those years before.
David Mellor:
And I went to Mass General the next day to start counseling, and I walked in with my hat pulled down, hoping no one would recognize me and say, "Why are you here?" Now I'm proud to be a PTSD survivor. I'm proud to say I went through counseling, and I'm proud to say I go to counseling, and a therapist has changed my world for the better, and more importantly changed my family's life for the better.
Vic Vela:
What happened in counseling that changed everything?
David Mellor:
We had to work through to desensitize all these raw, buried emotions one by one, and each one was a kraken, like a sea monster with tentacles. I did exposure therapy, where you write down these raw, buried emotions, and then you read them out loud to yourself, and then you read them out loud in front of a mirror, and then you read them out loud to your counselor, and each time you do, it's another level of breaking down that power that they have on you.
David Mellor:
It was amazing. When I first started doing it, I wrote it on paper. My tears would be pouring out so much, I would have to start on another piece of paper because the paper was soaked. And then I graduated to an iPad, and then my wife would help transcribe it, and she was reading things that I had never told her. And I'm not going to sugarcoat counseling. I'm not going to say it's super easy, because it's not. But it's an investment in yourself, and you work through these challenges. And February 25, 2011, I slept for the first night in 29 years, I slept seven hours straight and did not have a nightmare.
Vic Vela:
Good for you.
David Mellor:
I felt like jumping up and down on the bed like Tom Cruise did on Oprah's sofa. I was so excited. I couldn't wait for my wife to wake up. But I'm so superstitious I didn't say a word to anyone, because I didn't want to jinx it. And then the next night, I slept through the night again. And then the next night, I slept through the night again. So after that third night in a row, I couldn't wait for my wife to wake up. I couldn't wait to call my counselor and tell her, and counseling has changed my life.
Vic Vela:
What David said about PTSD not just affecting soldiers, that's an important point. The US Department of Veterans' Affairs says 7% to 8% of the population deals with PTSD at some point. It happens to people who experienced combat and to people who experience car accidents, just like David's. It happens to survivors of abuse or domestic violence, or people who witness it a death. In therapy, David learned that technique of writing down the buried emotions and reading them out loud. He also learned about meditation and how to ask for help when he needs it.
David Mellor:
I talk things over with my wife, and I don't hesitate to call my counselor. I think that's all important, to be proactive with any of those triggers, or to recognize them and work through them, versus letting them fester, and then just becoming bigger and bigger.
Vic Vela:
Yeah, you're owning the pain now and working through it instead of ignoring it, like whistling past the graveyard.
David Mellor:
Sir, both physical and emotional pain. And whether you're dealing with physical or emotional pain, it's important to know that you're not alone, that help's available, and that treatment works.
Vic Vela:
For David, that includes a service dog who goes to work with him every day at Fenway, a German shepherd named Drago.
David Mellor:
Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Vic Vela:
This is audio from an ESPN story about David and Drago.
David Mellor:
From day one, he could look right at me when we met. He'd look at me at home, he'd look at me at the field, and we'd just make a connection.
David Mellor:
Drago is trained to help me with post-traumatic stress. If he senses anxiety, he will interrupt that. If I'm sitting down, he'll get in my lap and push his head against my chest. It's called deep compression therapy. He helps me in crowds. He helps me on stairs. In fact, I did have two nightmares since 2011, and both times he got on the bed and woke me up.
Vic Vela:
Oh, good boy.
David Mellor:
Other than my wife, he's literally my best friend. Goes everywhere with me, other than during rain games he usually stays in the office versus when I'm working out in the dugout.
Vic Vela:
So he's with you at all times then?
David Mellor:
Yes, sir. He's trained not to go to the bathroom on grass, so he's out on the field all the time. He goes on command, and we'll go outside the ballpark for that.
Vic Vela:
I almost had to pause, because you were causing me to tear up a little bit there, David, with that incredible connection. You really almost got me there.
David Mellor:
Yeah. He's amazing.
Vic Vela:
Getting therapy, learning how to deal with PTSD, all that has given David a new perspective on everything that's happened in the two freak accidents he was involved in. This is what he says now about that day in 1981 when that driver in the McDonald's parking lot ran him over twice.
David Mellor:
At the time, I'd say I thought my leg was crushed and I thought my dreams were crushed, and it literally turned out to be one of the luckiest days of my life. Literally the luckiest day of my life.
Vic Vela:
Well, that's quite an abrupt turn there. Why was it such a lucky day for you?
David Mellor:
You know, if I wouldn't have gotten hit by the car, I never would have met my incredible wife, who's my best friend, never have two amazing daughters in my life who I'm so proud of. I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't have the adversity that's gone through my life to help shape me into who I am today. I've been hit by a car three times, and I figure that's better than four, and I've had 45 surgeries, and I figure that's better than 46. I really feel blessed.
Vic Vela:
How's that for gratitude? He's been hit by a car three times and he considers himself lucky.
Vic Vela:
David Mellor continues to keep Fenway Park in pristine shape, and here's a little postscript. David has now collected four World Series rings with the Boston Red Sox. His grandpa sure would be proud. He also wrote a book about his struggles called One Base at a Time. He shares his story because he wants people to know it's not a sign of weakness to ask a doctor or therapist for help.
Vic Vela:
Back From Broken is a show about how we are all broken sometimes, and how we need help from time to time. If you or someone you know is struggling with issues like PTSD, you can find a list of resources at our website, backfrombroken.org.
Haley:
My name is Haley and I'm from Denver, Colorado, and in my recovery this week I got to help somebody get into a sober living house, so it was helpful for her to get support and be held accountable and stuff like that, and that was really rewarding.
Ben:
My name is Ben, from Denver, Colorado. What's happening in my recovery is that I am realizing that there's so much more potential in life that I was not paying any attention to before, and it gives me hope because with my recovery, I like to do as much as I can to give back and encourage higher levels of living, whether or not it's an addiction or even just a different plane of thinking.
Vic Vela:
We'd love to hear how you're doing in your recovery, and we might share it on this podcast so everybody listening can give you a virtual pat on the back too. Record a voice memo or mp3 and send it to [email protected]. If you know someone who might benefit from stories like this, please share this podcast with them. We spent more than a year building this show on research, interviews, production, editing because we know it will help people, but it does cost money. The people who listen to this podcast, people just like you make it a reality. You can give a little bit now at backfrombroken.org.
Vic Vela:
Back From Broken is hosted by me, Vic Vela. It's a production of Colorado Public Radio's Audio Innovation Studio and CPR News. Thanks to the people in recovery who helped us develop this podcast, Ben, Matthew, Shawn, and Mateo. Thank you so much for your guidance. This show is produced by Rebecca Romberg, John Pinnow and Matthew Simonson. Rachel Estabrook edited this episode. Our executive producers are Brad Turner and Kevin Dale, music by Brad Turner and Daniel Mescher. Thanks also to Francie Swidler, Kim Nguyen, Hart Van Denburg, and Kevin Beaty. Please subscribe, rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. It really helps other people find it, and thanks for listening to Back From Broken.
