Actor Jim Belushi is famous for his work on shows like Saturday Night Live and movies like About Last Night. He also knows firsthand the pain of losing a loved one who struggled with drugs. Jim shares moving memories of his late brother John Belushi, and talks about coping with grief and finding a way to move forward.
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Host: Vic Vela
Lead producer: Jo Erickson
Editor: Erin Jones
Mixed by Matthew Simonson
Additional producers: Jo Erickson, Luis Antonio Perez
Music: Daniel Mescher, Brad Turner
Executive producers: Brad Turner, Rachel Estabrook
Thanks also to Kevin Dale, Hart van Denburg, Jodi Gersh, Clara Shelton, Matt Herz, Martin Skavish, Kim Nguyen, Arielle Wilson.
On Twitter: @VicVela1
Transcript
Please be advised, this episode contains some strong language.
Vic Vela:
In 3, 2, 1,
Jim Belushi:
You know, the families of comedians and actors are always the most funny places. And, you know, it was just a typical American dysfunctional family. [Laughter] But I remember there were times at the dinner table where he would imitate my father, and my mother would laugh so hard that no sound would come out of her mouth. [Laughter] And we, I mean, I, I remember those – when he would do any kind of mimicking, we would be on the floor.
Vic:
Oh, that's great. Jim Belushi has had a long career in Hollywood. He's known for his time on “Saturday Night Live” and his roles in movies like “Trading Places” and “About Last Night.” He also had a famous brother.
(SOUNDBITE FROM UNIDENTIFIED SHOW, ANNOUNCING “THE BLUES BROTHERS”)
Unidentified Announcer:
City of Illinois let’s put your hands together. I said put your hands together for the blues band of [unintelligible] “The Blues Brothers.”
Vic:
John Belushi was a really big deal. He had an iconic role on “SNL” before his brother joined the cast. And then there's classics like “Animal House” and “The Blues Brothers.” [Audio of the song, “Soul Man”] But in 1982, John Belushi died of a drug overdose. 40 years later, Jim still feels the pain from the loss of his brother, John. And it's still difficult for him to talk about. Jim Belushi can't bring his brother back, but knowing there are so many people struggling with addiction or have loved ones suffering from it, Jim Belushi has a strong desire to do something about it.
I'm Vic Vela. I'm a journalist, a storyteller and a recovering drug addict. And this is “Back from Broken” from Colorado Public Radio – stories about the highest highs, the darkest moments and what it takes to make a comeback.
1950s Chicago suburbs was where it all began for the Belushi brothers. Jim is the third out of four kids.
You know how large families produce certain family roles? Like, you know, the middle kid is the peacemaker, and the oldest one is like the responsible one. Did this apply to your family? What was your role?
Jim:
Hell yeah. I break it down a little bit different. I think the first son is the hero; the last son is the baby, and the middle son, which is me, is the troublemaker. [Laughter] Because the middle sibling is always kinda lost between those roles and looking for identity. So John was the hero, and he died a hero. And then I found my role. He kinda left it to me, and that is to be the hero of the family. And it was a role that I wasn't trained for. And then Billy is still the baby. I mean, he's a bit of a brat. [Laughter]
Vic:
John Belushi was indeed a hero to Jim. So it felt natural for him to follow in his older brother's footsteps, though it took him a little while to get there. When he was 16, Jim impressed his teachers with his talent when he gave an improvised speech in class, but not the way he was expecting.
Jim:
I remember the date. It was October 16th because October 15th was a Sunday, and there was a big Vietnam moratorium downtown in Chicago, and all the yippies and all the hippies were there. I didn't think he'd call on me, but he called on me and I was like, “Damn.” And so as I walked up to the front of the class, I came up with this idea about being a hippie that went to the moratorium and I just improvised. And I basically was yelling at the class like, “Hey man, where were you yesterday, man? Why weren't you there fighting for our people, man, in ‘Nam, man? Where were you? You sitting in your plush, suburban homes with Mommy and Daddy spoon feeding you, man? Where were you?” And they’re going, “Belushi – you didn't go.”
Vic:
That's great.
Jim:
And I got an F on the speech. But he said, “You know, they have auditions for a play tonight I'd like you to come to.”
Vic:
Wow.
Jim:
And I went, and I said, “Well, I've never done this before.” He goes, “Just tell a story.” And I told a story, I got a lot of laughs, and he cast me in this play.
Vic:
Now Jim had other interests in high school. Both he and his brother John played football. But acting came at the right time for Jim's teenage libido.
Jim:
I was a tackle in football. You know, tackles didn't get the girls. [Laughter] Yep. You had to be the quarterback. You had to touch the ball to get a date. We were just grunts, you know? And uh, it's like, “Hey man, I'm dating Belushi.” “Who’s that?” “The tackle.” No. No status there for the girl. But I went into the theater – that play – and there was this whole community. There were like 20 people. And there were like five guys and 15 girls. And I was able to, like, charm them and talk and get to know 'em. And I finally got a date. So I liked this acting thing. [Laughter]
Vic:
It was paying off already. What did the stage do for you, Jim? Were you hooked right away?
Jim:
I walked out on the stage, and I got a laugh. And my body went into some kind of other state. It was like an adrenal. I was probably the most present in my body, in my mind, in that moment. It felt to me like magic.
Vic:
Mm.
Jim:
And I've been chasing that magic ever since.
Vic:
Jim's acting and his gift for comedy led him to a residency at the legendary improvisation group, Second City.
So now you're getting noticed for doing something that you love. Was John overall supportive of your decision to follow in his footsteps?
Jim:
Funny. I got into Second City, right? I got cast, and I called John, and I go, “John, I did it. I'm in.” And you know – I was in theater, you know, since I was a freshman. So I did a lot of plays. I did 40 productions by the time I even went to – got outta junior college. I was a pro almost.
Vic:
Wow.
Jim:
Anyway, so he goes, “Oh, you did, huh?”
I go, “Yeah.”
“Uh, you sure you wanna do that? Uh, comedy stuff?”
I said, “What do you mean?”
He goes, “Well, I thought you were more like a drama guy. I thought you'd be like at the Goodman Theater or something – drama.”
“I, no, I can do drama. I can do comedy. I can do it all.”
“Oh. You sure you wanna do that?”
I go, “Yeah. I wanted to do this forever.”
“Oh, Okay. Yeah.” [Laughter]
So I don't know how he felt about it.
Vic:
Well, that's interesting. I mean, so would you say there was a rivalry?
Jim:
On his part. [Laughter]
Vic:
That's funny.
Jim:
And there was nothing – no rivalry. [Laughter] I mean, the guy was just out of this world brilliant. You know, I mean. [Laughter] Come on. John. Really. Please. [Laughter]
Vic:
You had your first taste of fame with the TV sitcom, “Who's Watching the Kids,” right?
Jim:
Oh my God. And you know the answer, right? Nobody. [THEME MUSIC FROM “WHO’S WATCHING THE KIDS”] Nobody watched that show, and it got canceled. It got canceled. And then they wanted me to do another show, “Working Stiffs” with Michael Keaton. And in between those two, I did a play called “Sexual Perversity” in Chicago, by David Mamet at the Apollo Theater in Chicago. And it became a massive hit in Chicago. And, uh, they wanted me to do another sitcom.
Vic:
But Jim really wanted to work in movies. And the play he did in Chicago caught the attention of the president of Paramount Pictures. Eventually they worked up a script based on the play. And it seemed that Jim was heading to Hollywood to do his first film. Then the phone rang.
Jim:
I got a call from John – “Hey Jimmy.”
“Hey man.”
“You know that, uh, play you did?”
And I said, “Yeah.”
He goes, “You know they did a script, right?”
And I said, “Yeah.”
“Yeah. Simpson just offered it to me and Danny.”
Vic:
Mm. Danny Akroyd.
Jim:
Yeah. I said, “What? That was developed for me.”
He goes, “Yeah, well, you know Hollywood. They’re heat-seeking missiles. And Danny and I happen to be hot right now. They offer us everything.”
And I went, “Don't do it. That's mine.”
And he goes, “Jimmy, they're never gonna give it to you. They only give it to the hot people, you know? And you – you'll never, they'll never give it to you.”
I said, “John, don't do it.” I said, “I can't say the word cheeseburger. I can't lift a sword ‘cause of Samurai. And I can't do Marlon Brando. There's so many things I can't do because you ate it all up. This one I developed, I created. It's mine. Lay off it.”
“No, Jimmy, they're not gonna do that. They're not gonna. You don't understand Hollywood. You don't understand Hollywood.”
I said, “I don't give a shit. Don't do it.”
And he goes, “Listen, if Danny and I pass on this, they're gonna give it to Bill Murray.”
Vic:
Mm.
Jim:
“Now wouldn't you rather have somebody in your family do it?” [Laughter]
Vic:
Wow.
Jim:
Then he goes, “You don't understand Hollywood.” He hung up on me.
Vic:
Oh, that's brutal.
After years of wrangling with Hollywood, Jim finally got the part alongside Rob Lowe. And the movie was renamed “About Last Night.”
[SOUNDBITE FROM THE MOVIE, “ABOUT LAST NIGHT”]
Jim (as Bernie Litgo):
These girls go out with you, and they get nervous, man. They feel dumpy. They don't want to compete. They want a guy like – like me.
Vic:
But it took a while to get there. First, his brother, John passed on the script. Then Jim had to prove all over again that he was perfect for the part.
Jim:
That changed my career. I became a movie star and very wealthy after that. I made movie after movie. And it was all because John passed. So, you know, there's a saying; it goes, when you drink the water, remember the men or women who dug the well.
Vic:
Hmm.
Jim:
And my brother, John, dug the well, and I've been drinking the water ever since. And he was my mentor. I was a fan. And he happened to be my brother. [Laughter]
Vic:
That whole time he was looking out for you. I mean it…
Jim:
Oh yeah.
Vic:
…I mean, it was rough at first to say, “Oh, I'm doing the movie,” but…
Jim:
Oh, it wasn't rough for me. I was, like, pissed off. [Laughter] I wasn't hemming and hawing like, “Oh, I'm scared to hurt your feelings.” No. “No, John, no!”
Vic:
By the late 1970s, John Belushi was a big deal. In 1978, John was propelled to stardom for his role in “National Lampoon’s Animal House.” Both “Animal House” and “The Blues Brothers” were deemed by The Library of Congress to be culturally significant movies and were selected for preservation in the National Film Registry.
[SOUNDBITE FROM THE MOVIE, “NATIONAL LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE”]
John Belushi (as Bluto):
Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Unidentified Actor #1 (as character):
Germans?
Unidentified Actor #2 (as character):
Forget it. He’s rolling.
John Belushi (as Bluto):
It ain’t over now.
Jim:
It's just that he would do anything to make the scene work. You couldn't take your eyes off this guy. How do I describe it for people? I'd say just go watch the clips on YouTube.
[SOUNDBITE FROM THE MOVIE, “NATIONAL LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE”]
John Belushi (as Bluto):
[Mockingly] “Oh, we're afraid to go with you, Bluto. We might get in trouble.” Well, just kiss my ass from now on.
Vic:
Well, I mean, larger than life doesn't even do it justice.
Jim:
No, he was just, just – he was a star, man. He's a real star.
Vic:
But the days were getting dark for Jim's brother. John's drug use was getting out of control. He partied hard in Chicago during production of “The Blues Brothers,” leading to significant costs and delays. John Belushi's incredible, once-in-a-generation talent was being overshadowed by stories of drug use in the press. In the early months of 1982, John Belushi checked into the Chateau Marmont hotel in Los Angeles. On March 5th of that year, he was found dead in his room, following an overdose of cocaine and heroin. While Jim Belushi is a candid person who wears his emotions on his sleeve, there are some things in life that are just too painful. When I talked about John's death, the barriers came up.
Jim:
Oh, I don't wanna go there with you, man.
Vic:
Yeah. Okay. We don't have to.
Jim, like a lot of people who lose loved ones to addiction, struggles to talk about certain things.
Jim:
It was an accidental overdose. It wasn't like – John didn't mean it to happen. It just fucking happened. I mean. I looked at him like – like a shooting star, you know? I saw one last night. I was sitting in my hot tub, and it was beautiful out here in Oregon. And I looked up, and I saw a shooting star. And when you see a shooting star, you go [gasps], and then it's gone, and you make a wish on it. Like magic. Right? Magic. And I look at John as that shooting star. It was just here for a while, and you couldn't take your eyes off it. And it was magic. And it changed the way you felt inside your body when he made you laugh. You never forget the laughs that John gave.
Vic:
The trauma of John's death led Jim on a journey. He always believed that his brother's drug use was not a lifestyle choice, but a symptom of a larger issue, and that he took drugs to quiet his mind. More on that after the break.
There are moments in life when you look back, and suddenly you discover new meaning to an old memory. For Jim Belushi, there's something he's never been able to shake about his brother's high school football days.
Jim:
I really felt that he was a star middle linebacker: 5 [-foot-] 7 middle linebacker, All-Conference, All-State, the most tackles in the high school. He banged his head a lot. There was a lot of concussions going on there. And back then it was like, “What’s the matter, Belushi? Get your bell rung? Get out there.” Senior year, he had a seizure in my kitchen, actually in the laundry room, ‘cause I went in the laundry room to tell him to turn down the TV. And he's – he started shaking.
Vic:
Oh my gosh.
Jim:
He was leaning, leaning on a sink, shaking. And then he fell to the floor. I thought he was doing a gag, but it was no gag. And I called the police. And I saved the guy's life that day. I pulled his tongue back. They did spinal taps, X-rays. They couldn't find anything. Well, now we know what it was. Concussion. CTE.
Vic:
Yeah.
Jim believed that John was suffering from an undiagnosed brain degeneration caused by repeated head traumas. Something often seen in football players.
Jim:
And I believe that that was a struggle for him unconsciously. And I think he leaned towards drugs as a medicine unknowingly. I'm sure there was cultural pressures and other things. But the screaming that comes from CTE had to be quieted. It had to be managed.
Vic:
We see that so much. Yeah. Yeah.
The loss of his brother led Jim on a journey to find a better way to help people deal with physical and emotional pain – something other than doing dangerous, heavy drugs. It was purely by accident when Jim found his answer. One day, he stumbled upon a woman who was having a mental episode in public. And Jim thought maybe the healing properties of marijuana could help.
Jim:
When I was standing in the street of Portland smoking a cigar. And there was this woman, an Asian woman, short, white sweat outfit, obviously from a shelter. She was carrying a plastic bag, black hair, little grayish, small. And she screamed at the top of her lungs. And there was – I was there. There was nobody around her. And the next night, she walked again – same time, because I was smoking my cigar. And this time her scream was even louder. And I thought to myself, if I could just get her an edible, maybe the screaming would stop. And I'm thinking, everybody is screaming inside from something. Most of us – or most of them, I can't include me – most people have management skills that they have acquired to suppress that screaming, put it in another place in their body. But they manage and get through the day and manage to work within society and the community. Some of us don't have those management skills, and we act out. One of the ways we act out is drug use, trying to quiet that screaming. Yeah. And that all comes from some trauma somewhere along the line.
Vic:
Yeah. The drug use is just the symptom.
Jim:
Yeah.
Vic:
From that moment, Jim was convinced that pot could help people. He investigated how medical marijuana was an effective treatment for pain management, epilepsy and some mental health conditions. But also how weed could be used as a form of harm reduction. Jim thought, maybe if people could choose weed over heroin, then there wouldn't be as many overdose deaths as there are today. It also made him wonder if cannabis could have helped John's pain.
Jim:
And all I'm saying is, cannabis? Gentle. My opinion, doesn't hurt your liver. It does things to your body. Even if you're doing just straight CBD, there's a sense of calmness that happens because endocannabinoids are soothed. I believe in California Sober, by the way. I believe getting off of alcohol and pills and drugs is a must, but I do believe that there can be some help.
Vic:
So let's talk about this idea of switching to marijuana as a way of getting off booze or harder drugs. You know, this idea of so-called California Sober. It's controversial in recovery circles, there's no doubt about it, this replacing one drug with another. And I wanna be clear. I'm not advocating that marijuana should be used in place of a harder drug, nor am I shaking my finger at anyone who does it. You see, I've seen some people use pot occasionally to wean themselves off hard drugs and are living better lives, just smoking pot on occasion. And that's great. But I've also seen friends of mine try the same thing only to see it lead them right back to the drugs they were using before. Look, my role here as host of “Back from Broken” is to share my experiences and to let others know that recovery is possible. It's up to you which road you take to get there. Jim Belushi clearly believes in the healing powers of marijuana so much so that he even started his own cannabis farm.
Jim:
I am in this also because of John. He did die of a drug overdose. There are people dying right and left now with this fentanyl. Good kids.
Vic:
Jim stars in a reality TV show about being a cannabis farmer called “Growing Belushi.”
[SOUNDBITE OF SHOW, “GROWING BELUSHI”]
Jim (as host): What's going on here today? Looks like there's a lot going on.
Unidentified Person:
[Crowd noise] Well, basically everybody's joining today. We got a cannabis walk.
Vic:
In one episode, he takes viewers to South America.
[SOUNDBITE OF REALITY SHOW, “GROWING BELUSHI”]
Jim (as host): So these are all cannabis supporters?
Unidentified Person:
Exactly.
Jim (as host):
It's a pot festival.
[Clip ends with sounds of crowd]
Jim:
I had a fascination with Pablo Escobar because I'm from Chicago. You know. Al Capone, gangsters, the Godfather, they glorify it. Wrongfully. And we explored a little bit about Pablo, and it was a moment where – I was flying in a helicopter over these coca fields. And I was like, wow. I wonder if the cocaine that John had had came from that field. And if they could get rid of that coca and put cannabis in those fields, we would be healing people instead of killing people.
Vic:
Well, I don't wanna over build it, but in a way did that moment – did you feel a little closer to John spiritually at that moment?
Jim:
Um, yeah. I don't know how to answer that question.
Vic:
Yeah. That's okay. You either do or don't. That’s okay.
Jim:
I, I, I don’t quite understand that.
Vic:
You're in a unique position to maybe shed some advice or share your perspective around grief and loss.
Jim:
Oh man. It's the goddamn worst. Oh man. I just went through it. I mean, I went through it again. It doesn't get any better. You know? I just, we just, got divorced, uh, last year and…
Vic:
Yeah, I heard about that.
Jim:
…And that's the collapse of family. And the collapse of family is just traumatic, and it's a huge thing of loss. And there was a grieving period for me that I actually stopped drinking. I stopped using even cannabis to medicate. I gotta go through this wholly. I hit bottom, man. I was licking the ground with my tongue emotionally and spiritually. After all the work I've done. And what I learned from it was, every day circumstances change. Just hold on, hold on. You know, there's all kinds of thoughts that go through your mind. And so don't confuse depression with grief. Grief passes. And you just gotta sit at it. Because what happened was one morning, I literally woke up and went, “Huh? I feel better.” And it's been feeling better ever since. All that struggle on the outside, now I feel really good. I got a really great girlfriend. I'm like – my kids like me again. I – you know?
Vic:
Good for you, Jim.
Jim:
But you know what? I didn't medicate with alcohol because alcohol just enhances it. It heightens your emotionality. It takes you to a higher drama. I didn't use cannabis. I, I did a little bit to sleep ‘cause I always do a little, but I didn't use it to medicate my emotion. And you know, people in grief, all I can say is: I'm sorry, man. I know what you're feeling. Stick with it, embrace it. And know from other people's experience that it does pass.
Vic:
There's so much to be said about the cliche of, sometimes you just gotta put one foot in front of the other and just get through it.
Jim:
Oh, I love that saying. You know, when you're walking through hell, keep walking.
Vic:
Yeah. [Laughter] That's exactly right.
Jim:
[Laughter] Just keep moving, man. [Laughter]
Vic:
I mean it sucks. There's – I mean, it just sucks. But you just get through it. And congrats for being able to get through that with that wisdom, ‘cause not everyone can.
Jim:
No man, no.
Vic:
Today Jim feels a certain amount of serenity as he looks out at his cannabis farm. He's finally found a path that allows him to be at peace with the world and feel close to his brother, John.
Jim:
You know, I carry John with me everywhere. I carry that spirit.
Vic:
“Back from Broken” is a show about how we're all broken sometimes and how we need help from time to time. If you or someone you know are struggling with addiction, you can find a list of resources at our website, backfrombroken.org. “Back from Broken” is hosted by me, Vic Vela. Our lead producer today was Jo Erickson. Matthew Simonson was also a producer. Find everyone who helped make this episode in the show notes. This podcast is made possible by Colorado Public Radio members. Learn about supporting “Back from Broken” at cpr.org.
